“What do you
call this, tea or coffee?” demanded the angry customer. “It
tastes more like castor oil.”
“If it tastes like castor oil,” said the waiter, “I can
guarantee it’s coffee, because our tea tastes like dishwater.”
“Can you tell me how fast light
travels?” asks the teacher a student.
“I don’t know how fast, but I know it gets here too early in
the morning,” answers the student.
“Dad!”
“ Well, what is it?”
“It says there, ‘A man is known by the
company he keeps.’ Is that so, Dad?”
“Yes.”
“Well Dad, if a good man keeps company with a bad man, is the good
man bad because he keeps company with the bad man, or is the bad man
good because he keeps company with the good man?”
A penny was all she dropped into the
beggar’s hand.
“Now my poor man,” she said, “tell
me how you lost all of your money.”
“Well, I was like you, ma’am,” he said. “I was always giving
away large sums to the needy.”
“Grandpa, why don’t you get a hearing
aid?”
“I don’t need it, Son. I hear more now
than I can understand.”
“Sir,” said the customer as he took
the bottle of milk and held it up to the light, “have you noticed
there’s never any cream on this milk?”
“It is because the company always fills
the bottles so full that there’s no room for cream on top,” replied
the milkman.
“Wasn’t I a fool when I married you?”
said the husband.
“You bet, but fools always have luck,” answered the wife.
One little boy asks the second little boy
in the hospital: “Are you medical or surgical?”
“I don’t know,” replied the second
boy. “What does that mean - medical or surgical?”
The first boy answered, “Were you sick when you came, or did
they make you sick after you got here?”
After the performance: “Did that new
play have a happy ending?”
“Sure, everybody was glad it was over.”
“Judge, I don’t know what to do.”
“Why, how’s that?”
“Well, I swore to tell the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer
objects.”
An employer, interviewing an applicant,
remarked, “you ask high wages for a man with no experience.”
“Well,” the prospect replied, “it’s so much harder work when
you don’t know anything about it.”
